"How can they just expect you to drop everything and pack up your life and
move some place where you don't know anyone?" he asked somewhat heatedly
as he dropped the letter back down onto the bed. 

She froze at that.  Was that 'you' referring to her or was it a more
general 'you', including himself in the question?

"Are you talking about me or... us?" she asked needing to know for sure. 

"Both of us... and the twins," he replied, dropping his voice on the last
two words.  There was a slight pause, then he said, "Brisse, I love you
more than life itself... but it just wouldn't be fair to pack up the girls
and move them away from their family now that they've finally settled
here.  Everything they know and love is here... family, friends. They'd
have to give all that up and start all over again." 

"Dan'yar, what are you saying?" she asked.

"When are they expecting you to arrive?" he asked reaching out to pull her
into his arms. 

"Soon... but you and the girls..." she started to say but saw the regret
in his eyes as he slowly shook his head.

"I can't," he told her.  "It just wouldn't be fair to the girls to uproot
them and move them some place new like I did when we came to the Cleft
from Telnor."

"But, Dan'yar... they won't be alone... and we can bring them back here to
see your family whenever we get the chance," she pleaded. 

"And how often do you think you'll have any free time once you start your
duties?  We barely have any free time for ourselves right now.  Think of
how it'll be once you start training with the Dragonlady!" 

And when she was the DragonLady...  "But I'll make the time! You'll see!!"
she swore, even knowing as she said it that it was untrue.  "It won't work
out that way will it?" 

"No, love..."

"Then I just won't go!" she said, even more irrationally.  One couldn't
just turn down an order from the DragonLady.  Worse yet, one certainly
couldn't give up the position of DragonLady.  "I'll just tell them
that..." 

"You have to go, love," he said calmly. "This is to special a thing for
you to give up and I wouldn't want to stand in your way. If you stay here
we may both end up regretting it for the rest of our lives." 

He was being as irrational as she-- she couldn't give it up, even if she
wanted to.  One day, perhaps tomorrow or next week or next month, she
would wake up and Tymor would be bigger than Kaeryth.  She had to be
prepared to shoulder the responsibilities when that happened.  Christalla
had already delayed to the point where they weren't even sure but what
Tymor wasn't even now bigger than Kaeryth.  There were no more delays
possible.  Still, she looked for some out.  He couldn't be saying what she
thought he was saying...

"But Dan'yar..."  Her voice fell silent as he sat there, saddened, but
resolute.  He had made his choice, and it was his daughters' happiness,
rather than hers, that he had chosen.  When it came down to it, he loved
them more than her.

Memories flitted through her mind...

"Oh, gods, Brisse...  I was so worried..."

"I'm okay...  I'm okay..."  But even as she said the words, the tears
began to flow. 

"Let's go home," Dan'yar said, his voice shaky with emotion.

...

They were landing on Dan'yar's apartment ledge and Arly and Leyean were
hugging her and fussing over her. 

"Welcome home Brisse," they said, over and over.  Looking up over the tops
of their heads she could see the tall blonde-headed man standing there.
There were tear-tracks on his face, but a bright smile creased his
handsome face as his eyes met hers. 

"Welcome home, love."

...

"Brisse, love," he said as gently as he could, not wanting to frighten her
anymore by his presence. "I promise you that man will never harm you
again. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe from now on. I'll make
him pay for what he's done to you. I swear!" 

...

"I would help *you* raise *your* baby," he told her. "If you would let
me....  I would do *this* and so much more for you if you let me," he
answered, pulling her into his arms "I would do anything I could to see
that you were happy. I love you." 

...

"Brisse, we'll get through this," he said softly, his hand moved 
up to stoke her hair. "Together if you want. I'll give you all 
the time you need to deal with this, but I want you to remember 
that I'll be here for you when ever you need me."

"I believe you," she said.

...

"Ah, love," he squeezed her hand. "I don't think a time will come that I
will ever 'not' want you. But I shouldn't have pressed you the way I did
that night. I promised to wait until you were ready and I broke my promise
to you by asking you to stay with me. I just needed to hold you so badly. 
But that's no excuse and I promise it won't happen again if you give me a
second chance. I'd do anything for you."

...

"Bri, love.. you have *nothing* to be sorry for," he told her, his eyes
never leaving hers as he held her in his arms. "Nothing at all. But I
can't tell you what to do, love. The final choice will have to be yours. 
But I want you to remember how much I love you and whatever you decide to
do... I'll be there to help you get through it. We'll do it together." 

...

"Brisse, love, I know I promised to give you the time you needed to be
sure how you felt about us... but I love you so much and would be honored
if you would agree to become my mate and come live with the girls and
myself. Be a real family. The five of us..."

...

And now, less than a year later, he was calling that commitment off.  No
more family.  No more 'the five of us.'  No more raising Kyrran together.
She was all alone.

"I understand," she said quietly, and laid back in the bed and was silent.

******

She spent the next morning in her office, setting things in order.  She
still didn't know how she was going to tell Cynthia.  Tymor had told her
that Syren and Trissana had announced that Cynthia and Trevor were now
mates, though the two riders had yet to say anything.  She didn't want to
ruin Cynthia's day.

When the call came for assistance, she stood, her heart aching, and
watched Dan'yar blink out.  It was the first time she had watched him go
into battle and had not seen him off.

After working, distractedly, for a bit longer, she finally made her way to
Cynthia's office, clutching Christalla's letter.

******

"I see," Cynthia said, setting the letter down.  "And Dan'yar?"

"He's staying here," Brisse answered quietly, trying to keep the pain out
of her voice.

"I'm sorry," Cynthia said.

Brisse shrugged.

"So, when are you leaving?"

Brisse bit her lip.  "I've put my office in order and it'll only take me a
little bit to pack.  I don't have much-- just Kyrran's and my clothes and
a couple of books, a few toys.  The furniture I'll get there." 

Cynthia nodded.  It was a pretty standard approach.  Most apartments came
largely furnished.  

"So, I'd like to leave this evening."

"This evening?" Cynthia asked in surprise.  "You're not even going to wait
for--?"

"No.  I want to leave tonight.  It's better this way."

******

The pearlescent form of Trissana awaited them on the green.  Trevor looked
over Tymor.  "That's all you're bringing?"

She nodded.  "It's all I have."

"So... you're ready to go?"

She nodded again.  "Thank you for escorting me."

Trevor shrugged.  "Just a teleport there and a teleport back.  Nothing to
it."

"Nothing to it..." she echoed.  Then why did it feel like she was moving a
world away from here, from this place of harsh beauty?  She could come
back anytime...

But would returning bring her any happiness, or only the pain of
could-have-beens?

"Well... I guess we should go then," Trevor said.

She nodded.  <Come, love.>

<I didn't get to say goodbye to Rook,> the queen complained as she
launched into the air. There was an odd link between the two dragons,
since he had won her first mating flight. 

<Trissana can tell him for you.>

<I understand,> Tymor said.  <My rider, I'm sorry my size has caused you
so much pain.>

Brisse's hand carressed the green-gold neck scales.  <Don't be.  It's for
the best.  Better now than... than after we'd had children together...>

Brisse saw the image of Keldarra that Trissana passed to Tymor.  Then
there was a second of disorientation and the Cleft was gone from her
vision and the image of Keldarra, blurry with her tears, became reality.

The two landed.  Trevor slid off Trissana and helped her down and then
helped her to unbuckle Kyrran from his carrier.

"Are you going to be okay?  Do you need me to stay?"

She shook her head.  "I'm fine.  Tymor has told Kaeryth to tell Christalla
that we're here.  I'm sure we'll be settled in no time."

"Okay..." he said uncertainly.

She smiled at him, then impulsively hugged him.  "Goodbye, Trevor.  You be
good to Cynthia, okay?"

"I will," he promised.

Then he climbed back on Trissana and was gone.

She watched as the pearl dragon took to the skies and blinked out.  Kyrran
stirred...

...lost... alone...

"Mummummaaa..."

"Shhhhh..." she comforted him.  "It's okay."

"Brisse, rider of Tymor?" a voice asked behind her.

She wiped her eyes and pasted on a smile as she turned to meet her
greeter.  "That's me.  I'm here to be trained for the position of
DragonLady, by Christalla."

And so it began.

Respectfully submitted,
 Lynette R. F. Cowper
  Brisse and Tymor

NRPG: Okay, Brisse, rider of Tymor, who is so close in size to Kaeryth
that they're not sure who's bigger, is now at Keldarra.  I dunno how long
I'll be writing her here.  Bio will be coming shortly.  It needs updated
first.

---

 Lynette R. F. Cowper <lcowper@indy.net>, INWO Line Editor

Return to Keldarra Posts for Dec 1998