Gerald's stride was quick and purposeful as he made his way towards the
apartment. Although his head was down, he wasn't seeing where he was going;
in fact, he was lucky he didn't trip and fall sprawling. 

Why was he acting like this? the cooler part of his mind clamored. Why was
he acting so hurt and abused? She was with someone else, now; it was all
over before it even started. He never had a chance in the first place, and
he might as well grow up and accept the fact. 

Of course, the reasoning did little to soothe him. It was more than just
being left for someone else; all his life he had been told that he was 
good for nothing, a wastrel. This was another example of that. It wasn't
the hurt of being passed over, it all the old feelings being brought up
again.

Or so he kept trying to tell himself.

He didn't dare try to think of what else it might be; the thought of that
hurt him too much. Like he had already told himself, there was no room to 
be jealous of someone else, the choice was made before he even had a chance.

Ah, but to be used and cast aside like that...that hurt, too. He was shocked
at what that implied; it meant that he was open to such manipulation, that
he was a naive boy, easy to take advantage of. And of course, Jayleigh; it
implied that she was emotionless, manipulative, conniving, able to use and
discard people like they were toys.

That was partly why he was having so much trouble. She just didn't seem like
that kind of person. Was he so blind that he missed it entirely? The mating
flight he could understand, that was instinct; he just didn't get the trip 
to the lake the next day. She had wanted him, at least he thought so. He
had pleased her, hadn't he? Their conversation stayed with him, a sour
aftertaste. Sadder but wiser, he was; he barely noticed the price of 
innocence he paid in exchange for bitter wisdom. 

His thought turned more wicked as the mounted the stairs. Did it really 
matter? Like he had told the warrenlady, he had someone to keep him warm.
And he would see to it that she was warm, indeed. The door opened almost
immediately to his knock; Kiree's smiling face as he entered.

"Why, hello, lover. I didn't expect for you to be back so....oh!"

It was a simple matter to sweep her up in his arms, to take her into the
bedroom...her skin flushed, warm under his hands as he undressed her on 
the bed...she was compliant, willing, growling almost with pleasure as
she responded to his need, her mouth hot against his. He took her, almost
angrily, his irritation lending a sort of wild abandon to his passion. 
Kiree was caught up in it, encouraging him, matching his thrusts with 
her body. It was not long before he climaxed, his body shuddering with
pent up emotion. Kiree held him gently, caressing him, her hands grasping  
him as he became wicked, slowly licking the sweat from her breasts...

Later, he relaxed as she held him. He could feel her breath on his neck,
the thudding of her heart against his chest, her hands idly tracing the
muscles of his stomach...

As violet-blue eyes and dark hair moved across his inner eye.

***************

It was all wrong, somehow everything had gone wrong.

He couldn't do it. It was one thing to have a healthy imagination, but
quite another to do what he had done. He had used Kiree, had used her
just like Jayleigh had used him. He didn't even care how she had felt;
he had simply used her body as a substitute. What in the world had come
over him? Even if she had enjoyed his attentions, it was simply wrong. 
Gerald sat, hunched over as if his posture would protect him from his 
own guilt. Did he care so little that he would do this to another person?
What about Kiree's feelings? She was happy being with him, and all he cared 
about was sating his lusts for another woman, using her body. He felt 
wretched, overcome with shock for the creature he had become. 

"Can I join you, Gerald?" Gerald looked up to see R'ven.

Gerald's eyes fell; he was too depressed to even send the man away.
"S'pose so." He pushed his untouched food aside, to accept the mug of
coffee R'ven offered him. 

"Thanks."

"No problem. I figured you needed it. Care to let whatever it is off your
chest?" 

Gerald peered at the older man. "I think you know already."

"Perhaps I do. And if you don't mind me saying so, jealousy doesn't fit
you very well at all."

"Like hell it's jealousy!"

"Like hell it isn't. You can see it as plain as anyone. 'Leigh started 
showing you some attention, then up and goes for the Alpha Wingleader. 
Poor Gerald is left out in the cold-"

"No." Gerald heard the creak in the stoneware mug; he relaxed his grip, 
placing it on the table. "It's not that simple. I'm mad because I was 
used. I already knew I wasn't good enough for her, I didn't have any 
expectations. What irks me is that she lied to me."

R'ven shook his head sadly. "Would that we had the chance to Search you 
before the damage was done. Gerald, I've told you this over and over, you
shouldn't believe what your father told you. I don't know his reasoning,
but the fact is you're here and you are worth a lot to this warren. You 
have just as much right to be happy as anyone else. You can't spend every
day expecting to lose, because that is exactly what is going to happen.
But, I think this isn't your problem."

Gerald shifted uncomfortably. "So, what's my problem, then?"

"You're jealous, lad. I think deep down you know you're worthy enough, it
just rankles you that you didn't win out."

Gerald made a grunt of irritation. "No. That's not it. She's being unfair. 
So, I lost out with her; I have someone else who wants me." R'ven's eyes
widened as he absorbed the news. "It burns me up to think that she would
use me, then throw me away for Tair'n while he and you-" Gerald clamped his
hand over his mouth, but it was too late. 

"Ah, so I see a larger portion of the picture." R'ven's eyes sparkled with 
humor. "She's making this big sacrifice for Tai, and he's not doing the
same, eh? Wheras you would? Would it make you feel better if they asked 
me to leave?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, I wanted the truth. And you do have a valid point. I don't know 
how things will go, myself. Somehow, I don't think Jayleigh will accept
being in that situation. I may end up out in the cold, as well. But, there
will be a big difference between you and I." R'ven leaned forward.

"What's that?"

"I won't be placing blame. I love Tai enough to want him to be happy, more
than my petty feelings in that regard. I think if you have any feelings at 
all for our new Warrenlady, you'll be wanting her to be happy, too. We're
all adults, and she has to make her own decision."

"That she does. And has."

"I can't take away the hurt. The more dear the prize, the harder it is to
lose. I understand that, and you'll just have to let time heal the pain. 
I think, though, if you take the time to remember that she's happy, then
maybe it'll be a little easier."

"It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't want me right there with her. Like 
today, going to see Lord Gossimer..."

"You two went to see Lord Gossimer?!"

"No, not yet. Jayleigh wanted me to go and I, well, I didn't. She's still
going, and I'm sure she wants an escort..."

"I think you won't have to worry about that. Let me take your place. I'll
escort her to our good nobleman."

"But-why?"

"I know how to handle his high-and-mightiness. I'll be happy to show you
how to deal with him, as I'm sure you'll run into him plenty, but for 
now let's let experience work for us, shall we?"

"It's fine with me. Flying escort is just about the last thing I would 
want to do today, of all days."

"Hah! I can see that." R'ven gripped Gerald's shoulder as he rose to leave.
"Let's talk later, all right? I think there's still plenty about this that
needs to be discussed."

"All right."

******************

Gerald spent most of the afternoon wandering. He took Random to a short swim 
at the lake, then spent time just fidgeting, not wanting to return to 
his apartment. Too much chance of running into Kiree, and he just wasn't
ready to face her now. As the afternoon shadows lengthened, Random 
interrupted his thoughts. 

<Viktroy calls us. Her rider wants to see you in her office.>

*I'm sure she does. I'd rather not.*

<She is insistent, my rider.>

Ah, well. *All right, let's get it over with.*


			*********

"I'm disappointed. I really am. I expected you to escort me, and you passed
it along to R'ven."

"Yes, warrenlady, that's true." He could see her react to his formality.
"R'ven asked to go. He said he had more experience with Lord Gossimer, and-"

"And you just jumped at the chance, didn't you? It's up to me to decide 
who I want as an escort. Didn't it occur to you that I might have reasons
to bring you along? Besides, you didn't pass because of R'ven's experience,
you did it bacause you're jealous."

Three times in one day was enough. "I. Am. Not. Jealous." His voice was 
clipped, as he gripped the corners of her desk, glaring at Jayleigh's 
face. "I have said it before. I will do my best to serve you, but... 
not...today!"

"I required you today!" Jayleigh stood to glare right back at him. "I 
needed you, and you weren't there. I understand how you feel, but-"

"But nothing! I am a human being, not a tool! I needed time to recover!"

"Recover? Really? *I* was not the one who slept with someone else."

"I told you what happened. I thought it was you! And besides, you would 
have slept with Tair'n if you could."

Jayleigh's face reddened. "That's not...that doesn't matter!"

"Of course it matters! I was just a toy, to be thrown away. I had to deal
with that, then you expect me to escort you? And just how effective would 
I be, wondering what my worth is here?" he asked, bitterly.

"You are not a toy! No matter what you think, I have not treated you like
one! Besides-how did you say it?-'I have someone else to keep me warm'.
You're jealous!"

"Stop it!"

"Why? It's true! Your worth is not in question here, you're jealous because
I didn't pick you! Admit it, you wanted me, and when you thought about me
in Tair'n's arms-"

"Stop it!!"

"-you just wanted to hurt me back!"

Inches from Jayleigh's face, Gerald leaned forward, covering her mouth with 
his. He couldn't bring himself to hit her. Jayleigh froze for a moment,
her lips on hers, the second stretching to an eternity...

Then her eyes closed and she responded. Their kiss became hot, passionate,
the anger of the moment before a bubbling cauldron of energy to draw 
from. Their mouths opened, tongues meeting, playing as they climbed 
together onto the desk. Papers and items scattered, fluttering or falling
to the floor as his hands wandered over her body, undoing her clothes
even as her hands were undoing his. There was no gentleness in them, 
only raw lust as he positioned his nakedness above her. He entered her
quickly, forcefully, the passion overwhelming as he thrust. Jayleigh
responded as well, her legs around him, holding him in, her fingernails
scratching bloody furrows in his back. The lovemaking went on and on, 
taking forever to climax, as if the energy they had built up had to
be used first. Finally, Gerald groaned as he reached his orgasm. His 
pace slowed, his body grinding with delicious friction against Jayleigh's,
reaching, until she clasped him to her, shivering with her own climax. 

The ecstasy mixed with the exhaustion, becoming an overpowering 
combination. Gerald sagged in Jayleigh's tight embrace, their bodies 
locked, a sheen of sweat making the scratches on his back sting...

=======================

Um, tag Barb...:)
 



 

	Respectfully submitted by:
	Allen Veazey
	wolf@dbtech.net
	Warrenlady Phaedra and Melith (Geode); Gerald and Random (Daere)
	Ash'chenon  (Telnor); B'rand and Rook (Cleft)
	Orbus of Amber (Amber)
	Geode Warren Page: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/3043/crystal.html
	
     "Fortunately, ah keep mah feathers numbered for just such an emergency."
			--Foghorn Leghorn