"Jayleigh wait!!"

She could hear R'ven calling after her, but she didn't stop, didn't
wait. 
Right now her heart felt it was breaking in two and R'ven was the last
person 
she needed to have see her like this. In as much as she respected the
older 
man, with him being Tair'n's lover, he was just to close to the objet of
her hurt.

<<Fly Troy!>> She cried. <<Take me away from here.>>

Viktroy sensing her rider's turmoil did as she was asked. Taking flight
and when she reached a safe hight she teleported to their favorite spot
by the lake. This spot had always held good memories for the two of them
and right now the Queen figured her rider needed to be in a good place
to try to deal with what was up setting her.

Jayleigh dismounted and sank down next to a log near by. Her tears were
still falling but she felt numb inside. Only one thought kept going
through her mind over and over, tattooing itself on her conciseness...

Tair'n hated her...

It hurt. Gods how it hurt. Why!, She didn't understand. But mearly
thinking of what she had learned cut like a knife through her heart. How
could things have gotten so far out of hand between them. *What* had she
done??

....To replace me in Alpha sooner than you'd planed?"....

How could he even think that? She needed him there. The Warren needed
his leadership....

....."We both know you've been trying to make me look bad so that you
could replace me,"......

....replace me.....replace me....replace me....

... Velara's *boy toy*...  *boy toy*.....  *boy toy*

Velara's....

Oh Gods! Was that it? No!! She told herself, denying her attraction to
the man. It couldn't be possible. Could it? 

Velara had R'ven's love, and Tair'n's. Though the younger man hadn't
wanted to admit to it until after she had been lost to him. 
But the fact remained. She had had their love and Jayleigh had had no
one. Could she have been so jealous of the older woman, for having the
one thing that she herself had wanted, that without knowing it, she had
taken it out on the nearest target? Tair'n.

Jayleigh really couldn't blame Velara for wanting him. He was so
handsome that any woman who could, would have snatched him up and held
on to him with everything they could. For as long as they could. 

She would have, if he had loved her....

But Tair'n had loved Velara.

A sound alerted her that she was no longer alone. Fearing the worst for
her foolishness in leaving the Warren unescorted, Jayleigh moved her
hand down until it came in contact with the hilt of the knife that was
always at home in it's pocket on the inside of her riding boots. It
wouldn't take her long to put it into use if need be, but when she
turned and saw the man dressed all in gray, she brought her hand away.

There was something about the man that she didn't fight him when he put
his arms around her and held her close. She accepted what comfort he
offered, but when he asked if she would like to talk about what was
bothering he, she put him off.

"If it was something I could talk about I would," she said softly, not
wanting to share with him or anyone else the things she'd learned about
herself this day. "It's just that I think it finally hit me
that the old Warrenlady, Velara wasn't coming back, and I was in charge
of the Warren and all of it's inhabitants." she lied to hide her
humiliation. 

"From what I've heard, you've been doing a wonderful job of taking
over," Zert said softly.

"No one hear would dare to say anything different to someone they had
only met," Jayleigh smiled weakly. No one except Tair'n.

"It's just that there are times I find myself swimming in a very large
lake, and can't find anything to hold on to when I feel like I'm sinking
over my head,"

"I'm sure that's not the case," the man chided her gently and would have
said more but they both heard the sound of someone's boot scuffing
against a stone and turned to see Gerald turning away.

"Gerald?!" Jayleigh said as she saw him. It was only then that she
remembered that she had left the Warren without and escort. Something
Queen's and their rider's rarely did without a very good cause.

"I was going to your office to see you, when Random told me the Queen
wasn't in the Warren," the tall rider started to explain, "I took it
upon myself with my dragon to come find you as you shouldn't have been
out here by yourself. Especially after the wraith scare we just had."

His voice was slightly scolding. She knew it, even if the other man
didn't. But then Zert didn't yet understand what she had done... by
taking a Queen dragon and one soon to lay eggs...out of the safety of
her Warren. It just simply wasn't done!!

"I'm sorry Gerald," she said getting up and moving towards him.
"I'm afraid at the time I just wasn't thinking clearly." She placed her
hand on his powerful forearm and tried to meet his eyes with her's, but
she saw his eyes moved to take in the other man and suddenly knew what
he must be thinking. Gone was the warm teasing look that had graced his
deep blue eyes when they had shared such loving caresses. The warmth had
been replaced by the cold hard stare of one who thought they had been
used and then discarded for another. 

"Nothing, M'lady, should be more important that remembering your Queen
and what she means to this Warren," he returned his tone chilly for one
usually so shy.

"You're right," she said, bowling her head ashamed that her selfish
actions could have put her much loved life mate in jeopardy. 

<You needed to be here to calm yourself,> Troy's thought entered her
mind. <I was always aware of what was going on around you. Around us. We
were in no danger.>

<<But that's not a good enough excuse love for doing what we know we
shouldn't have done.>> she sent back. <<Random's rider had good reason
to be upset with me right now for taking you away. But not for thinking
I came out here to be with another man after the time *we* had shared
together. >>

<Tell that to him, my human,> the Queen quipped, suddenly happy to see
some spark in her rider. <Not me.> 

"Gerald, we need to talk," she started to say raising her head up until
their eyes met. Jayleigh was about to say something else when the man
behind them cleared his throat, letting them know he was still around.

"Perhaps you'll both excuse me," he said when he saw he had their
attention. "I do believe it sounds as though the topic of your
conversation is best kept between the two of you. Warren business, I'm
sure that you'd rather not have me hear. So If I've your leave M'lady?"
With that he bowed to her and left.

It was a minute or so before Jayleigh turned back to face Gerald.

"I didn't plan on meeting him out here," she said.

"It's not my business anyway," he returned and saw her flinch.

"Do you honestly think I would go from making love to you, something
that I enjoyed more than I could tell you...to sleeping with another man
so soon?" her blue eyes searched his face for some sort of response.
Then he blushed and she smiled, knowing she had her answer.

Taking ahold of his arms, she raised up on tip toes and kissed him. At
first he didn't respond, but she was insistent until finally his arms
circled around her and he was kissing her back. Moments went by while
they enjoyed the intimate contact, then Gerald pulled his lips from
hers.

"You've been gone from the Warren for quite sometime," he reminded her.
"Be best be getting back before they send out a search team to find
you."

"I suppose you're right," she sighed a little breathless. "I don't think
they'd be to happy to find us here safe, making love."

"No," he chuckled. "I don't think so."

*******

She was surprised sometime later after returning to her office to find
R'ven sitting behind her desk "What are you doing here?" she demanded as
earlier memories came flooding back.

Tair'n!! 

She saw his eyes open and the chair he was sitting in fall back into
place. "Working," he replied  getting up. "Where have you been,
Jayleigh? I was getting worried."

Throwing her riding gloves down on the desk she said curtly, "What has
it got to do with you? Why aren't you with... with.. him!" Her jealousy
rearing it's ugly head again before she could stop it.

>"Jayleigh, what happened between you and Tair'n?"

>"I don't want to discuss it. It has nothing to do with you. It's a
personal matter." 

>"What the hell do you mean, 'It has nothing to do with you?'. When the
Warrenlady disappears for half the day, without an escort, and her queen
tells any dragon that comes within flaming distance that she will flame
them. *It * is my business. You have responsibilities. You can't just run
away and hide because someone has said something to upset you. You have a
Warren to run!"

>"How dare you tell me about my responsibilities! I don't need you to tell
me how to run *my* warren."

>"God damn it, woman, you do! You need every single bit of help you can get.
You haven't been in office a week. Velara didn't leave you much to go on and
you don't have the experience to run this place single handed."

>"I have the two junior queens. They are there to help me. Unlike your
precious Velara who could run this place with her little finger!"
Jayleigh couldn't believe she was saying these things but she needed to
vent her anger out. So she used R'ven, and then felt sorry for the way
she was acting towards him. The man had done nothing but try to help her
ease into the role she'd been thrown into with out warning, and here she
was fighting with him.

But then the man she wanted to fight with...wasn't in the room. R'ven
being his mate was the next best thing. She listened as he went on
telling her about how the older Warrenlady had felt about her and she
wanted to tell him his words were all lies. Velara had never been proud
of her. If she had been, how could she have treated her the way she had.
How could she have turned away her repeated requests to let her help
around the Warren. 

Until it was to late. Well Jayleigh had had to learn things on her own.
She'd had to take a crash course in diplomacy when one by one the
villagers and inhabitants of the Warren and near by lands had come to
*her* with their complaints when they couldn't get the Warrenlady to
listen or help out. 

>Jayleigh seated herself at her desk.

>"All she wanted was to have fun! Who the hell do you think got Tair'n his
position? It wasn't Velara. She put as many objections as possible to stop
him from being promoted. And what does he do? He carries on sleeping with
her, because *he*  thinks she got him that job! She wanted him all to
herself, and you were too blind to see it R'ven. She used you as she used
everyone!"

She knew she had gone to far when R'ven walked over to her desk and hit
it with his fist. She'd never seen him this angered before and started
to apologize when he cut her off.

>"What the hell do you think Velara and I where doing here most nights till
2 or 3 in the morning? Fucking!?"

Jayleigh flinched at the word. But not for the reason's he thought. A
picture of Tair'n's naked, sweaty body above *hers* as she laid on the
desk, came to mind before she could push it away. 

>R'ven continued angrily," And, yes for your information, both Tai and I
fucked her on this desk. And yes,  she enjoyed it. As to me being the blind
one, open your eyes Jayleigh! The only reason Velara objected to Tai being
Wingleader was not because she wanted her 'boy toy', your words Jayleigh,
all to herself, but because she wanted you to argue his case against her.
She wanted to see if you had  a strong enough backbone to take her on. To go
over her head if necessary, to get what was for the good of the warren. And
you did. She was  proud of you. She knew that when she died the warren would
continue to prosper. But the only way it will continue to grow is for you to
grow with it."

>"I don't believe you." Jayleigh's mind was in turmoil. Even from her grave
Velara was still manipulating people. She had convinced R'ven that it was
all her doing that Tair'n got the position. She knew it couldn't be true.
"You are only saying that because that is how you saw the situation. You
weren't there when I had to deal with people who were too afraid to approach
her or because she just wasn't there. You have no idea how much I have
covered up her blunders and errors. It wasn't your illustrious 'Lara' who
helped deal with farmers who had crop failure. They didn't have enough food
to see them through the winter. It was me
that begged and borrowed from other area's. She couldn't have cared
less. Because she had her 'boys' to keep her warm at night."

She didn't need this right now. What she needed, wanted, was to get on
and do her job. She needed to put the things she had learned about
herself to the back of her mind and where they belonged.  Like right now
she was wishing R'ven would leave. But R'ven wasn't going to let her get
on and do it. All he wanted to do was protect his beloved Velara. But
the old dear didn't need his words. She'd had everything. Included two
men who loved her. 

>"We can be here all day arguing who is right. It doesn't matter who is.
What matters is the warren.  And you are the most important person here. Not
, me, Tair'n,  or Velara. We are only a small cog, that works the big
machine.  If we break we can be replaced. If you break we end in chaos.
Velara gave you a good
founding to run a warren. So when she died we didn't end up in chaos. If
anything happens to you, what will happen?" 

>Before she could reply, R'ven continued more gently, "You need to accept
people for who they are, not what they are.  The warren will continue to
flourish depending oh how fruitful the Queens are at laying eggs. Jayleigh
you are warren born. You know how the society works. What I can't figure out
is what are you frightened of? Your own sexuality or Tair'n's?"
 
'You don't understand!' she wanted to tell him. It's not the sex I'm
afraid of...it's being all alone. I'm afraid that I'll never know how it
feels to have a man love *me*.  Me!! I'm afraid a man like Tair'n could
never feel for me the way he did towards *her*.

She sat there dumbfounded, unable to think straight. She watched the
dark-haired man straighten up. "Think about what has been said,
Jayleigh. And think about Tair'n. Accept him for who he is. He wasn't
Velara's boy toy, he was her mate!" R'ven turned and left, closing the
door quietly behind him.

Velara's mate.... 

Not her own. Never her own. 

What was she going to do? 

There was a knock at the door and she pulled a file open on her desk
before bidding who ever it was to enter.

>He stepped in nervously.  "Warrenlady Jayleigh?"

>"Yes, W'roan, what is it?"

>Her eyes looked puffy and her words were shorter than normal, as if she
were trying not to snap at him.

>"I... I wanted to talk to you... about Tair'n..."

She sighed.  "What about him?" Was that man going to haunt her every
waking thought for now on? This was ridiculous, the man hated her!

>"I... don't know if you know this, warrenlady, but... but he took on those
wild people rather than back off and let Gossimor handle it because he
wanted you to see how dedicated he was."  His hands twisted nervously in
his lap.  "I'm... afraid he might get himself killed trying to impress you.
I... I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but... could you,
*please* try to patch thing up?  He really... cares for you a lot.  And I
don't... I don't want to lose a good friend like Tai to some... idiot scheme
to get himself into your good graces."

>The young man looked into her face expectantly, concern and worry and
pleading evident in his eyes.

"I wish that I could W'roan," she told the boy sadly. "But I think
you're mistaken about the way Tair'n feels about me. He and I don't
often see eye to eye on most things, and I can't figure out how to
change that."

"Oh no, M'lady you're wrong," he exclaimed. "If you had seen him before
we brought him back to the Warren and heard the things he said about
you, then you would know what I mean. He just has this idea set in his
head that you don't think he can do the job as Wingleader, so he's been
trying to prove that he can. If he keeps it up, he could get himself
killed."

"W'roan, I know he can do the job! That's why I worked so hard getting
him appointed to Lead when the old Wingleader retired."

"You did Ma'am?"

"I'd never once doubled his abilities to lead the Wing, and knew it
would prosper under him. But I can't make him see that. He looks for
hidden meanings in everything I do or say," her voice got lower as she
spoke, until the boy could barely hear her. "I don't know how to make
him trust me. He hates me too much."

"Oh that's where you're really wrong," the rider chuckled. "He doesn't
hate you at all."

*******

After the boy had left, Jayleigh was more confused that ever. In one
corner she had R'ven telling her that she needed to except Tair'n for
who he was. Why did it matter so much to the older man what she thought. 

What are you frightened of? He had asked her. I'm afraid of being alone!
She had wanted to tell him, but couldn't. I'm afraid that I will never
know the type of love that Velara and you shared. The type of love that
Tair'n denied until it was to late.

She thought of Gerald. She enjoyed being with him, enjoyed the things he
did to her body and the feelings he made her feel. The shy young man
would definitely make a wonderful mate for someone someday. But he was
not for her. She could enjoy him for the time being, but she knew he
would one day leave her for another with whom he could love. A girl
would be lucky to have him and love him in the same way.

She got up and went over to pick out a book off of the wall shelf. Maybe
if she could get her mind on other things for a while it would help.
Somewhere up here, she thought has to be book interesting enough to keep
my mind occupied. A large book with a red spine caught her eye. Out of
the top suspended above the pages inside she caught a flash of white.
Pulling the book down and opening it up, she found an envelope that when
turned over, bore her name.

She had no problem recognizing the neat clear script as that of her
mentor's. Puzzled she took the book back over and laid in on top of the
desk while she reseated herself in the leather chair. Almost afraid to
open it, Jayleigh hesitated until finally she couldn't stand the not
knowing, anymore.

There were several sheets of pager inside, each written in Velara's neat
hand, but it was the first line that made Jayleigh catch her breath, and
gave her, her first indication of how much the older woman did care
about her.....

'My dearest Jayleigh,
I wished now that I had told you just how proud I was of you today when
you stood up to me and threatened to go to the Dragonlady about
Tair'n.........

Two hours later R'ven, who having seen the light still on in her office
came back to check on her. He found her sitting at her desk with her
head bowed in her hands and knew that she'd been crying. Suddenly
concerned he entered the room and went to knell beside her.

"Jayleigh," he said softly. "What it is dear?"

She raised her head at the sound of his voice and turned to stare at him
for a few seconds before she could find the strength to speak.

"You were right R'ven," her voice broke with her still falling tears.
"Everything you said to me earlier about Lara and the reasons she did
the things she did was true."

"What do you mean lass?" his hand moved up to stroke her black silky
hair. 

Instead of answering him she picked up the pages of the letter she had
found and handed them to him so he could read it. Then she sat back and
waited for him to confirm the words she had read then from Lara.

(nrpg: I had no idea *what* the letter should have said *grin* 
but it would have been filled with Lara's reason's for doing all 
the things she did....i.e.: Tair'n's vote to Alpha Wing...Letting
Jayleigh deal with the Landbounder's....making some sense to 
the confusion between Jayleigh and Tair'n......use your imaginations :)

R'ven had tears in his eyes when he lifted his large black eyes to meet
her's. His smile was warm and understanding as the quiet grew between
them, until finally she spoke.

"She love me R'ven. Like a daughter she wished she had had," Jayleigh
said with some awe in her voice. "She put her whole life into making
this the biggest and best Warren in the Dragonlands and gave up any hope
of having a family of her own to do it. But she loved me. She said so in
her letter."

As he watched Jayleigh closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He could
tell she was fighting hard to hold back yet another barrage of tears.

"I need to talk to Tai," she whispered, "I need to tell him what was in
the letter, that I was wrong about Velara feelings for him to Lead
Alpha....R'ven how could she had done this to me. Didn't she realize the
trouble her meddling would bring?"

"Oh I think she knew," he chuckled. "This was just another one of the
little test she liked to throw your way. She always said that you would
come out on top lass."

"I nearly didn't," she reminded him. "And depending on what goes on
between me and Tai...I may still end up sinking." 

*****
When Tair'n woke sometime during the night, it was to find the beautiful
head of the sleeping Warrenlady resting on the edge of the matrices next
to his hip. Her face was turned away from him, as her read rested on her
arms, but in the hand closes to him he could see several pages of what
appeared to be a letter sticking out of her hand.

The writing was Velara's!!

Slowly as so not to wake her, he gently slid the folded sheets from her
grasp and then brought the pages up where he could read what his love
had written there.

It began....

....My Dearest Jayleigh.......
---------------------------------------------------------
( nrpg: Gods I hope I got the times of order all right on this...
You two sure know how to make a person think  *wiping the sweat off of
my 
brow* I just hope and pray....I got it all right :}

Lyn or Lea....feel free to add anything to the talks between your PC's & 
Jayleigh...(you too Allen....

Just promise you'll warn me about a week ahead of time before you do
this 
to me again *grin*.....

*****Submitted by: *****

Barbara (a.k.a.

Warrenlady Jayleigh & her Queen Viktroy