When Tair'n woke sometime during the night, it was to find the beautiful 
head of the sleeping Warrenlady resting on the edge of the matrices next to 
his hip.  Her face was turned away from him, as her head rested on her 
arms, but in the hand closest to him he could see several pages of what 
appeared to be a letter.

The writing was Lara's.

Slowly as so not to wake her, he gently slid the folded sheets from her 
grasp and then brought the pages up where he could read what his love had 
written there.

It began:

        My Dearest Jayleigh,
        I wished now that I had told you just how proud I was of you today
        when you stood up to me and threatened to go to the Dragonlady 
        about Tair'n.

        I knew that if I were simply to name him the Alpha Wingleader, that  
       his leadership ability would always be in question-- that it would
        simply be assumed I did it out of favouritism towards him.  I know
        that my time here as warrenlady cannot be much longer.  Either my
        Jenn will cease to fly, or I will die.  I am not a young woman, and
        I know it.  It worried me that his position might not be supported
        by my successor, so I decided to see that it was.

He read the next few paragraphs with growing wonderment.  It told how Lara 
had drawn Jayleigh aside and told her that she wanted Jayleigh to oppose 
Tair'n's succession to Alpha Wingleader, because she didn't want him 
distracted away from her, and how she had done it in hopes that Jayleigh 
would would stand up to her, and in the process support Tair'n.

Then Jayleigh had been telling the truth, as she knew it.  She hadn't lied 
to hurt him.  Maybe... maybe she didn't even hate him...

He almost stopped there, but picked the letter up and continued reading.  
The next page told how Velara had cared for Jayleigh, loved her as the 
daughter she never had, and how proud she had been of her.

It wasn't fair.  Jayleigh already had two parents who cared for and 
accepted her as she was, and here was a third.  And Tair'n had had no one 
who loved him just for himself.  No parent, no mate, no lover who hadn't 
seen him as an object to be used.  He expected he never would.  No one 
would ever truly love him.  He was all he had in the world.  He wondered if 
Jayleigh truly understood how lucky she was, if she ever suspected how 
jealous he was of her.

He continued reading.  There were a couple pages of advice for dealing with 
various people in the Warren and the neighboring landbound areas, including 
the recommendation that she trust and rely on R'ven in situations where she 
was in doubt.

He was the subject of her final paragraphs.

        And, finally, there's Tair'n, who, I hope, has remained as Alpha
        Wingleader.  He is, as you yourself stated, an excellent leader and
        tactician, and he knows it.  In action, he is a self-confident man.

        But, I warn you, Jayleigh, be gentle with him.  For all that he
        seems strong, he is truly very weak.  His ego has been battered by
        years of abusive and manipulative relationships, starting with his
        own parents.  I cannot even claim that I have been any better for
        him, though I have loved him as best I know how.  He truly believes
        he only has worth for what he can do, and if you threaten to take
        that away from him, to make him useless, he will self-destruct, for
        he sees no intrinsic worth in himself as a person aside from what 
        he does.  Be most aware of this and don't destroy his self-worth 
        any further through harsh words or threats.

        Furthermore, his views on life have been so warped that keep in 
        mind that in matters of emotion Tair'n can be brutally honest with
        you and still be telling you nothing but falsehoods.  Keep this is
        in mind and try to see through to the intent behind his words,
        rather than the words themselves.

        I hope you two can find your way to being friends and partners in
        maintaining a strong warren.

He sat considering the words of his lost mate.  They were so incisive that 
they hurt to read.  But how could a person be worth something just as 
himself if no one ever thought so?  Had Velara thought so?  She had gone to 
such lengths for him...  Perhaps?...  But what did it matter?  She was gone 
now, and he had never known.

Tears sprang to his eyes, thinking of his Velara.  Her smile, the way she 
ran her fingers through his hair...  He tried not to sob, for it sent bolts 
of red heat through his side, but could not stop them.

Jayleigh muttered, started to shift, then seemed to realise that the pages 
she had had were gone and bolted upright.  His head bowed, while his hands 
other clutched his lover's last testament to her concern for him, for 
R'ven, for Jayleigh and for her warren.

"Tair'n?" she asked in concern, for she could see the pain in his face 
while his body was wracked with sobs.  She laid a hand comfortingly on his arm.

Blindly, he reached out and gathered her into his arms, burying his 
tear-streaked face in her hair.  "She's gone and I'm all alone... I'm alone..."

Respectfully submitted,
 Lynette R. F. Cowper
  Tair'n and Amadith

---
|   Lynette R. F. Cowper  *  Official INWO Rules NetRep & Goddess    |
| http://www.io.com/~lcowper  *  lcowper@io.com  *  lcowper@indy.net |
|  "If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever |
|                   get done."  -- L. Wittgenstein                   |