She smiled at him. "Good morning, lover," Kiree purred.

        Gerald was stupefied, shocked into stillness. "What...when..."

        "Don't you remember?" Kiree smiled, then nuzzled his neck. "After
all that last night, do you need reminding?"

        It had been her the whole time. Gerald could feel his stomach drop.
"I thought you were..." then he stopped; why get her mad at him as well? It
would be bad enough once Jayleigh found out. If she hadn't already.

        "...wonderful."

        "Thanks, lover." Kiree moved, clasping Gerald to her. "I thoroughly 
enjoyed it."

        Gerald could feel the pangs of guilt radiating from his stomach, 
adding to the faint nausea he still felt...

***************

        The feeling never did go away. From the moment they dressed and 
left, Gerald was in a bad mood. Breakfast, morning practice, patrol, 
everone quickly learned to avoid the dour looks and verbal snaps from 
the bard. More than once, whispers were exchanged and fingers pointed as
people wondered about the state of his hangover.

        Of course, that wasn't it. Gerald was aghast. What was he going to 
do? After practically accusing Jayleigh of throwing him away for another,
just the day before, now he had slept with someone else. It didn't help, 
knowing his motivations, the mistake he made; all that mattered was the
end result. Add to that, the knowledge that Jayleigh had spent the night
with Tair'n, and his misery was complete. She's got another, he thought, 
that should make you feel better; but strangely, it didn't.

        He knew he would have to face her, just please, not yet, he
thought. I can't take it right now. As if on cue, Random spoke to him.

        <Troy wants to know if we can escort her and her rider to Triylar
after lunch. Her rider must meet Lord Gossimor.>

        Gods, not now. *Please ask her if she will find someone else to
escort her there.*

        <All right. What's the matter? You've been in a bad mood all day.
Isn't mating supposed to make you feel good? I did.>

        *It's not the mating itself but who I mated with. I thought it was
Troy's rider.*

        <So?>

        *So now Troy's rider will be very upset.*

        <Humans! I just can't understand them.>

        Seconds later, the familiar form of Viktroy flew down to meet them.
Gerald shook his head; it was going to be a very bad afternoon, he could see 
that. He watched as Jayleigh dismounted.

        "Gerald, we need to talk." Her voice soft, compassionate. All of
a sudden, the guilt surged up in him.

        "I don't want to talk, not yet."

        "But we have to, Gerald," she said. "I have to explain."

        She was worried about what he thought of her? That was almost funny.
"It's really not any of my business."

        "Please, stop. Of course it's your business. You have to understand,
I've had feelings for Tair'n for a long time, but I was denying them. I will
always be grateful to you. You brought out feelings in me that I had hidden
deep inside. You made me realize that I could love again, be a passionate
woman instead of an emotional wreck. It just started out as me looking 
after him because he was injured so badly. I wasn't trying to go after him."

        "'So badly'? You didn't have sex with him?"

        "No..."

        That was too much. "Gods!!" Gerald clenched his fists and turned
away, unable to bear her gaze.

        "What's wrong?"

        Gerald took a deep breath, let it out slowly. "YOU don't understand.
We have to be honest with each other. *I* have to be honest.
I slept with someone else last night." Hearing nothing but silence for a 
moment, he turned to look at the warrenlady.

        "You don't have to look so damned happy!!" Her shocked look showed
that she didn't realize she had been smiling, relieved; somehow, that made
it worse.

        "I understand. I really do. I'm not worth your attentions. But I 
do have to be honest with you. I went to a party last night, found out 
about you and Tair'n, and got drunk. Really drunk."

        "And found another girl."

        Gerald grimaced, stressed. "Yes. No. Damn it, I thought it was *you*.
It was dark and I was drunk and I thought you had come to me, even after 
you had been with Tair'n. I thought that things had changed, that you wanted
me. I made love to her like I have never made love before, and found out 
later what I had done."

        That stopped Jayleigh for a moment. She tilted her head, appraising
him. "Do you have feelings for me?"

        "I don't know." His voice was a strained shadow of itself. "It
doesn't matter, does it? You have Tair'n now. I would just be in the
way. I figured you would want to break it off." A thought occured to 
him. "Wait a minute, what about R'ven? Did you two leave him out as well,
or are you going to do what Velara did?"

        "I...don't know yet."

        "I see." His voice cold now. He didn't see, not at all. "So, now
you're going to stop seeing me because of Tair'n, but he's going to 
continue sleeping with R'ven. You feel it's wrong to be with me because 
you love Tair'n, and yet they're going to be together."

        "You're jealous."

        Gerald shook his head. "No, I'm not jealous. I just think you're
being unfair to me. You're going out of your way to appease Tair'n because
you found out you love him, and cutting your own throat. I don't know
how I feel for you, I'm almost afraid to think of it, but now I know I
never had a chance. I feel used. And now, discarded. If you really felt 
so little for me, I think you had no business asking me to go with you
to the lake."

        "It's not like that, I told you. I didn't know until last night
how I felt for Tair'n. You're drawing conclusions-"

        "If you say so, ma'am." Gerald cut her off, something he would
not dared to do before. "This is probably a stupid thing to say, but then
I want to be honest, so I'm going to say it. Someday, maybe, you just 
might regret your choice. You may decide that I'm worth more than just a
wild night in bed-" she cringed at that- "and when you do, look me up. 
I might just be stupid enough to fall for it." And that's as far as I'm
going to admit my feelings to her, he thought. "Until then, I will be happy
to serve you to the best of my ability- but please, not today. I need to 
be alone for a while." With that, he turned and started to walk away.

        "Gerald, wait. Where will you go?" She sounded concerned.

        He didn't turn. "Don't worry, I have someone to keep me warm at 
night." He tried not to imagine her face as he walked away...

=================

        Tag, Barb! 
        Couldn't imagine Gerald doing anything else but put his heart on his 
sleeve :) 


                        Allen Veazey
                        wolf@dbtech.net
                        
                        Gerald and Random (Daere)