**Gweisha**

Gweisha quietly opened the door to Dyanisa's room and stopped, her hands 
clenched in an effort to keep them at her sides.  The dragonrider was so 
still and silent...  She gathered up her courage and walked over to the 
bed.  She breathed a sigh of relief when she was able to discern the 
shallow rise and fall of Dyanisa's chest and the shakes caused by the 
fever.

She lifted the limb wrist and took Dy's pulse, frowning.  It was weaker 
and slower then she liked but at least it was steady.  She took the dry 
piece of cloth off Dyanisa's forhead, dipped in a nearby basin of water, 
and replaced it.  Patting her friend's hand more to reasure herself the 
the dragonrider, she left to finish her rounds.
**************
**Dyanisa**

She bit the inside of her cheeks trying to hold back her screams as the 
lash struck her back.  Her eyes stung with tears of pain that she 
refused to shed, but he still wasn't satisfied.  She listened as he 
spoke coldly to her about being useful, about the evils of idleness and 
being obnoxious.  She had never listened so well in all of her 3 years.  
And she was three today, Dyanisa thought distractedly.  She waited for 
the lash to fall again, but it didn't.  

Thinking herself sneaky, she catiously peeked over her shoulder, biting 
back a scream of pain as the new position tore at her wounds.  Mama had 
her arm on Dada's, while they just stared at each other.  Dada suddenly 
broke away from her and left.

Then Mama was there, gently tending her back.  Dyanisa whimpered, the 
first sound she'd made all day.  For some reason she couldn't cry, even 
though she wanted to.

The dream suddenly let her go and Dyanisa struggled towards 
consciousness. These feelings hurt too much and she didn't want them 
anymore. 'Why couldn't they go back where they belonged?' was Dyanisa's 
last semi-lucid thought before the delerium claimed her again.

Her whole tortured childhood started to flash by... beating after 
beating, screams, and her father's lecture's on how worthless she was,  
Rosky chasing her when she had beat her father in weapon's practice, 
flames nearly hitting her before she dived behind a rock, Snink 
deliberately shoving her of the cliff, watching with amusement as she 
climbed back up, wraithes killing her parents as she watched and 
secretly rejoiced...

NO! No.. Dyanisa fled but there wasn't anywhere she could go where her 
feelings, emotions, memories wouldn't find her and force her to see and 
remember...   

Guilt.  Gods, they were the only people she had ever known and she 
couldn't even grieve properly.  Why could she only feel relief and maybe 
a bit of regret?  Why couldn't she grieve?

Dyanisa stood up and put on her father's knives.  Hers now.  Using the 
too tall halberd as a walking stick, she searched around for her 
mother's body.  When she didn't find it, she walked back up to the camp.  
Looking around she wondered if she should stay for a while, the animals 
usually kept there distance after wraithes came by.  No, there wasn't 
any water nearby and with the animals gone, food would be pretty scarce 
too.  Gathering up what she needed, she walked out of there, not even 
sparing a glance back at the resting place for the only people who had 
ever meant anything to her.

It was night and Dyanisa was watching the stars.  They were so cool, 
unfeeling... just like her, she mused.  It had been two days since they 
had died and she had lost her sense of relief to loneliness, and then 
that had faded as well.  She was numb inside, which wasn't anything 
unusual she had come to realize.. its just that she'd been too busy to 
notice.  Now she had plenty of time to think and compare herself to the 
stars.

She wondered idly why her Or'dan and Lenin had wasted their lives over 
her worthless one.  They could have teleported away and left the 
wraithes to find her, she really wasn't worth anything anyway... too 
noisy, selfish, stupid, clumsy, incompetent, and just generally 
obnoxious.  Why waste their lives on her?  Maybe they had felt it was 
their duty...  Well, for whatever the reason, it ultimately led back to 
her worthless self and she knew that their deathes were her fault.   

And she couldn't even work up to feeling guilty about it.  She had felt 
guilty about being relieved, but not about causing there deathes.  Why 
couldn't she feel?

A medium sized rodent scurried in front of her.  Impulsively she lobbed 
a rock at its head, aiming to kill.  A dull thud sounded as the rock 
crushed its scull.  Dyanisa shivered, her eyes widening slightly.  She 
had felt something, a tiny spark, and she savored the taste of it like a 
fine wine.  It hadn't been pleasant, but it had been something, for a 
moment she had felt alive.

Dyanisa tried to flee again, she knew all to well what was coming next.  
But it was useless, like an vengeful army her memories trampled her...

Death, blood, killing again and again just for the horrible feelings 
that let her know she was still alive in her solitude.  She had become 
dependent on it... living only for her next kill to remind her that she 
was alive.  Secretly hoping that maybe it would all end... that she 
would find some beast that could beat her.  The pain from injuries was 
another little reminder that she was there, but it didn't have anything 
on the feelings... horrible, addicting, delicious emotions...

Dyanisa staggered over to the cave enterance and sat down, ignoring the 
sting as a wound opened slightly and started to bleed again.  It was 
easy now... pain had long ago stopped being a reminder of life.  She 
shifted position slightly, taking the pressure of the burn on her thigh.  
The small dragon had been a worthy opponent, more then worthy if she was 
going to be totally honest about it.  It would have killed her if she 
hadn't gotten lucky and managed to put an arrow through its eye that 
nicked the brain.  She could still see the outline of its corpse in the 
moonlight.  Tomorrow she would skin it, make some boots since hers had 
fallen apart two days ago.

Gods, what was she thinking.  She had just killed, no murdered, a living 
and more importantly intelligent dragon.  A creature that had had so 
much more then just the vague impression of intelligence.  She had never 
felt more alive, yet wondering how she could live with herself.  

Her eyes strayed to the stars.  She had been wrong four and a half years 
ago when she had thought that she was like them.  They were pure, 
unsullied, and cold.  She was a murderer, an unfeeling killer... who 
didn't want to die.

Dyanisa painfully rose from the dragon corpse, a large chunk of its 
thick, smooth hide, appropriatly enough it was the color of dried blood.  
She already had all the meat she could carry and now she had her leather 
for her boots, her reminder.  The needless killing would end right here 
before she died either by her own hand or something elses.  Maybe 
someday she would find another way to feel alive...  Unlikely, but a 
possibility.  She was tired of the numbness, maybe it would be better 
just to forget...  Start over, give herself as much of a clean slate as 
possible and just forget...  She'd always have a pair of boots to remind 
her if she needed it, but the rest was extra bagage so why carry it 
around... just shove it all in a cave, push a boulder over it and 
forget...

Dyanisa gave a mental shudder and tried to shove it all back into her 
mental cave where they belonged but the memories slipped through her 
fingers like sand...

She bit the inside of her cheeks trying to hold back her screams as the 
lash struck her back.  Her eyes stung with tears of pain that she 
refused to shed...

Dyanisa sobbed as it started all over again...
***************
**Gweisha**

Gweisha took Dyanisa's pulse again.  It was a bit faster but not much 
and the fever still hadn't gone down.  She reached for the compress and 
stopped.  A single tear traced its way down Dy's cheek.  The first in 
fifteen tortured years.

Submitted by,
Bridget Olson
Dyanisa and Sienra


Bridget Olson 
Dyanisa and Sienra *Daere*
Inagua and Myacura *Geode*
Nalin and Trefoil *Whiteriver*
N'dovra Leriamtiq *Ralengarde*
Ens. Sirosa Badei *USS FARADAY*

"Life is only as limited as your imagination."*



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