[Cal'an]

He practically skipped down the hall to his father's room, his ordeal
momentarily forgotten in the exhilaration of knowing he was healed.

His mind overflowed with the things he'd stood idly watching, yearning to
do, but unable to. Running races.  Climbing trees.  Wrestling.  Playing
metch ball with the other boys.

Maybe he'd learn sword fighting.

And he could be a wingleader like his father.

He had lived with the certainty that he would never see adulthood-- never
join a dragon, never take a mate, never father children. He tended to
avoid discussing it because it made people uncomfortable, but it was
something he had learned to live with.

Suddenly, he had been offered a life-- a real life-- with all the chances
for joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain that that entailed.

Forever, Qedhar had said.

Healed forever.

He flung open the door to his father's room and opened his mouth to speak,
but froze to the spot at the quiet moan that escaped and the smell of
sweat and sex.

He stumbled back, then turned and ran back the way he had come.

"There you are, lad," Jerlin called, catching his arm as he ran past.

Cal'an almost shrieked in panic at the touch. The older rider released him
with a quick apology.  "Are you all right, son?"

"Fine," Cal'an said, forcing himself to breathe slower.

"Did you see your father?"

"He was... already asleep.  I'm going to go find Jadain.  Bye!"

And he took off, leaving the older rider to watch him with a look of
concern in his eyes.

******

[Tair'n]

The next day, Tair'n returned to his apartment, in R'ven's custody. It
seemed strangely empty and lifeless without Cal'an about.

The day seemed to positively crawl by.  Sharees and M'naten never showed
up to interview him. He had somehow expected the two people responsible
for investigating the attack would have wanted to question the prime
suspect.

Several times, he had to fight the urge to make R'ven, who had vouchsafed
that he would remain in the warren, a liar by fleeing into the wilderness.

Did it really matter whether he banished himself today or T'rell banished
him tomorrow?

When he could no longer stand the silence, he began packing.  He at least
had the benefit of a little preparation time.  He considered each item
with care.  Could he sell it if he needed money?  Would it last?  How much
space did it take up?

The few small things they had left of Lara's and all of his toys he left
for R'ven.  His lover was more likely to need them here than he was out
there among the Landbound.  And it would add a little spice to R'ven
visits, not knowing what toys he might have brought with him.

In the end, Tair'n discovered there was very little that he personally
owned.  Clothes.  Quite a lot of clothes.  A few items of jewelry.  A hair
barrette that was all he had kept of his mother.  His father's belt
dagger.  Small mementos of past lovers, reminders of bitter endings now.
A small bowl that Cal'an had made for him.

Tair'n considered Cal'an's gift.  Would it be crass to take it?  Or more
insulting to leave it?  He hid it away, carefully wrapped in two of his
silk shirts, at the bottom of one saddle bag.

When he was done, his entire life was held within two saddle bags.  He had
always been too busy to collect much about him.  Now he wondered if that
was somehow related to his inability to keep lovers.  Was he too shallow?
Too ephemeral, like a butterfly on a sunny day?

When he left here, would anyone really care?

He wanted to believe that R'ven would, and Jayleigh, and maybe even
Gerald.

But he wasn't entirely sure it was true.

He poured himself a glass of the dark brown and bitter ale that Lara had
always favoured and considered his handiwork.

"Here's to my life," he said to the empty apartment, lifting his glass.
"To too many clothes and not enough knickknacks."

******

[Cal'an]

"Hurry up and eat," someone was saying as they passed by the family's
table, unaware that Cal'an was sitting there. "I want to get a good seat
at the trial when they convict Tair'n."

He froze.  Was it true?

He knew Jayleigh didn't believe it, but then why had his father run away?

And why was he, Cal'an, so afraid to see him?

"Cal'an... ignore them..."

His eyes met Jayleigh's.  "But what if they're right? What happens to me?"

"They're not right, so you don't have to worry about it," Jayleigh said.

He shivered.  "I just wish... I could remember who..."

Jerlin stood. "I think it's time you two boys headed back to the
apartment.  I was thinking about rearranging the furniture a bit and I
could use a couple of strong young boys to help."

"But what about the trial?" Cal'an asked.

"They'll send word if you're needed, son.  Come on."

******

[Tair'n]

He was beginning to think he was never going to get his conversation with
Jayleigh when she finally knocked at his door.

"Tai?" she said when he had opened the door for her. "Troy said you wanted
to speak with me?"

"Yeah. Um. Come in."

He stepped back and she entered, her eyes going to the saddlebags beside
the door.  "Planning to escape again?" she asked, almost carrying off the
joking tone she was trying.

"I just thought I'd be ready... in case..."

"You're not--"

"No, please, I know you think I'm innocent, but I don't have your faith,"
he interrupted.  "Besides, I didn't ask you here to talk about the trial."

"What did you want me for?"

He motioned her to the couch and then paced for a second, gathering his
thoughts. He'd had a lot of time to rehearse what he was going to say to
her, but battle plans never survived encountering the enemy and
conversational gambits never survived having the person there in the
flesh.

"I just felt... we needed to settle a few things.  Before... well, before
whatever happens today happens."

"Okay," she said, her voice almost a question.

"I wanted to tell you... I never meant to hurt you.  I'm just not... built
the same way everyone else seems to be.  I'm not naturally monogamous and
while I'll be faithful to one mate if they ask, I have to be asked.  I
just don't see it otherwise.  It's a blind spot of mine that I just can't
see when lovers want me... to themselves."

She considered him for a moment.  "You mean you don't get jealous, seeing
a lover with someone else, or knowing they're with some other person?"

"Hell, no!" Tair'n exclaimed. "Jealousy is just... completely alien to me.
I get turned on at the thought of my lover with someone else.  One of the
hottest nights I've ever had was sharing you with Gerald."

She flinched at the name.

"I'm sorry.  I know you're still sensitive about that, but it's the best
example I can think of.  Watching you two together...  Even if it'd just
been watching on my part, it still would have been one of the most erotic
experiences of my life."

"Okay," she said, obviously trying to digest his words.

"But what I'm trying to say is... well, I just didn't realise there was a
difference between me having other lovers who were male and me having
other lovers who were female. Lovers are lovers to me."

"All the same, eh?" she asked.

He smiled. "Oh, no. Quite wonderfully different, each one in his or her
own way.  It's just that the male-female differences aren't the most
important dividing line for me."

"And what is?"

He considered.  "Trust.  Commitment.  Maybe love.  I don't really know
that I understand the meaning of love yet.  Maybe I never will."

"And which side of the line was I on?" she asked.

His amber eyes caught hers.  "I trusted you with me life-- my future, my
past.  I agreed to do more than father a child on you, Leigh.  I agreed to
*be* a father, a dad, to your child. Our child. Can you even ask?"

She swallowed hard and licked dry lips. "And which side am I on now?" she
asked, a slight quaver on her voice.

He closed the distance between them, leaned down and kissed her, gently
and quickly, breaking before she could either respond or pull away.  "The
same side," he answered.

<My rider, it's time for the trial to start. Zenith is coming with his
rider to take you there.>

He saw by the look in her eyes that she had received the same message.

"I'm sorry," he said simply.  "I truly never intended to hurt you.  Can
you believe me?"

Respectfully submitted,
 Lynette R. F. Cowper
  Tair'n and Amadith
  and Cal'an

NRPG: Tag, Barb!

---

 Lynette R. F. Cowper <lcowper@indy.net>, INWO Line Editor