Marrid # 53
04/27/98

Sina knew Koda would be upset with her when she finally came too. But it
didn't matter. She had her orders from her brother who was in effect the
acting head healer when ever Koda was away.. or unable to perform her duties.

With her fainting the way she did, Sina felt Koda had fallen into the
*unable to perfrom* category, so felt no qualms about doing what she was
doing. It was only a simple blood test anyway. 

What better way to check to see if anything was really wrong with the 
tiny over worked healer. Why it might just show them that she was in need 
of certain things in her diet to improve her heath... But Sina knew Koda 
had just been working to hard, to long without enough sleep. Ari had 
warned them that this could happen, so Sina wasn't that concerned. 

She took her samples, and then deciding to let Koda sleep a while longer,
she left the room to drop off the blood at the lab, before resuming her
rounds. Koda would be better for the sleep.

Out side the room she came upon several people waiting there to find 
out how the woman inside was doing, she recognized most of them, but 
not the tall red-headed woman standing beside Kendal.

"You can all go home or back to your duties right now. Koda is sleeping 
but is going to be fine," she told them and forced herself to smile so 
they wouldn't think there was anything she wasn't telling them. 

"No sleep and no food finally caught up to her and her body responded 
to it. Let that be a lesson to you all."
She quipped and resumed her way down the hall to the labs.

But when the results came in, Sina didn't know what to do. C'tain had 
asked to be told what the reports had to say, but with the words printed 
on the piece of paper in her hand, Sina didn't feel right about telling 
him before she could break the news to Koda.

Gods... Koda would kill her. But then C'tain wouldn't be to happy with 
her either for keeping it from him.

She thought about it, and finally decided that the only re course she has
was to tell Koda and then let the healer decide what to tell C'tain. But
Sina would warn her she'd have to tell him something soon. It couldn't be
hidden much longer.

Koda
****** 

She was just coming awake when she heard the sound of the door being 
pushed open and turned her head towards it to see Sina walking into the room. 

The room? It hit her then she was in a bed. But it wasn't her bed. Nor 
her room. But what happened or how she got here she couldn't remember.

C'tain... she was running out of is room after sneaking in to see him, 
and he... he.. he had said he didn't need her... didn't want her there. 
He didn't want her.

"Koda? How are you feeling?" she heard Sina's voice softly saying and 
felt her hand touch her arm.

"He hates me Sina," Koda cried softly, even as her heart broke. "He 
told me to go away, that he wanted to be rid of me. What am I going 
to do?"

She finally looked up and something hit her. The healer didn't look 
happy... more ...worried. 

"What is it? What's wrong?" Koda asked and saw the girl hesitate.

"Now... I don't want you to be upset with me..."

Koda knew there was something the girl didn't want to tell her. 

"What is it?

"Well when you fainted... Ribbon sent out a cry and we couldn't keep 
it quiet.. C'tain found out and ordered me to give you a compete work 
up... blood tests and all..."

Koda nodded. "That's procedure in a case like this." She admitted, but
didn't think she was going to want to hear what the blood test had 
shown. And really didn't like C'tain having so much control over her 
when she'd been unable to defend herself against him. 

What did it matter to him any way. He didn't care.

"I got the results back just now..."

"And?" Koda snapped.

.............

"That can't be right!" Koda cried after Sina finally told her what was in
the reports. "There's no way!!"

But there was... Ribbon's last mating flight... oh Gods... Trey... Why did
it have to be him. The other man who hated her. How would he feel when he
found out he was going to be a father again. His child mothered by a woman
he couldn't stand the sight of.

She couldn't tell him. He could never find out, for if he did and then 
found out that she had to abort the baby.... Damn her sickness.... Damn 
life for denying her the one thing she wanted in life. 

"You can't tell anyone!" Koda grabbed Sina hand hard enough that the girl
cried out. "Not C'tain and not..."

Sina knew how much the healer loved children and had often said she'd 
like some of her own, so the panic she was seeing in the woman right now,
didn't seem somehow right.

"I'd of thought you'd be happy Koda," Sina told her puzzled. "I know how
much you love the kids who come in to see you..."

"Oh Sina if things were different I'd be thrilled... but you don't know...
you couldn't know. Ari does... but she's not here." Tears of regret were
falling down over her cheeks. "They'll both hate me... but no more then I
going to hate myself."

"I don't understand," Sina reached out and took Koda's hand in hers. She
didn't know what else she could do to help the distressed  woman. "Explain
it to me Koda so I can know how to help you. Having a baby should be a 
happy time."

"If things were different.. maybe."

Koda went on to tell the other healer about her childhood illness and the
ramification that it had left in it's wake. Told her about her inability 
to carry a baby full term and of the healers warnings of what could happen
if she were to try.

"So you see, even if I wanted to keep this baby... I couldn't. And if the
babies father... found out..."

Gods... 

"Koda things have changed since you were a child... medicine has improved
and I'm sure if we ask C'tain to help we can find some way..."

"NO!" Koda snapped angrily. "He knows... he knows what this could do to 
me if I try to keep the baby... and I'll admit to you that there isn't
anything more in this world I want more than to be able to carry this 
child full term and hold her in my arms... but now he'll just have 
something else to hate me for... Having another mans baby..."

"Are you going to tell Trey?"

Koda's head snapped up, her eyes meeting Sina. How could she have known 
who the father was. Koda had never mentioned his name.

"It wasn't hard to figure out my friend. I know the only time you've 
been with a man since you got here was during Ribbon's last mating 
flight. So it has to be Trey's baby."

"He won't be happy, and he'll think the worst of me when the time comes 
for me too..." she couldn't say it. But knew it would have to be done.

"Koda.. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to give me an 
honest answer. Do you want this baby?"

"More then anything," Koda whispered softly, even knowing the price she
would face later for her admission. 

"Then we'll find a way."

She looked up, hope filled her eyes and heart. Sina sounded so sure of
herself. Did Koda dare to let the hope flare?

"The first thing we need to do is get you dressed and take you over to 
the dining hall for a good meal, then I want you to go on home today and rest."

"I can't rest... there are to many here who need care and with.. your
brother injured..." she was saying and saw *the look* come over the 
girls face. "Look I'll make you a deal. I'll go eat, and then come back.
There's really nothing wrong with me and I feel more rested now. But 
I'll promise to stop what I'm doing if I start to get tired again."

She had a reason to now, she thought as her hand moved to her stomach. 
Koda made a promise to herself that she would do everything she could 
to make sure her baby was taken care of. She'd take her breaks and eat 
her meals without having to told. She'd leave here at a descent hour 
and make sure she got the sleep she needed. 

Maybe this time....

"You're going to have to tell Tain, Koda. If only so he can have a plan 
set up ..."

"Not now. In time. Promise me you won't tell him now."

"All right I promise, but don't like doing so. But! If you don't tell 
him soon, he's going to find out and he'll be angrier with you for 
keeping it from him." she told her as she watched the healer get 
dressed. 

"He's always angry with me anyway, so why should that matter?"

Her thoughts turned back to the news.

A baby... her baby.

*****Submitted by: ******

Lakoda & Ribbon
Head of Marrid Medical Center
Marrid Warren

 (a.k.a.)
(Barbara)