(Shawnee)
********

"So how are you feeling this morning?" Clarissa asked the young girl 
as the two walked down the hall at the med center towards the 
examining room. 

"Nervous," Shawnee admitted as she recalled the reason she was here. 
She hadn't told Saul she was coming here today, not wanting to have 
him worrying about her all day. She'd tell him later what happened.
There was no reason they both should have to worry.

"Have you thought real good about what you're going to do if the 
test comes up positive?" the healer asked the girl.

"Have a baby," she tried to joke, but it came out sounding flat.
 "Gods Clarissa, I don't know. I mean a big part of me hopes that 
I am pregnant. Cause it'll be Saul's baby and I'll always have a 
part of him if something were to happen... Then another part of me 
hopes I'm not, because I don't want Saul to feel like he has to stay 
with me because of the baby. I don't want him to feel trapped by the
responsibilities."

"Shawnee, if Saul chooses to stay, it'll be because he wants to be 
with you," the healer tried to reassure her. "Not because he feels 
like he has to. Baby or no baby."

"I know you're right," Shawnee said softly. "It's just that I've 
heard things... he always honors his responsibilities, and I want 
to mean more to him than that."

"I don't think you have any reason to worry. Anyone can see how he 
feels about you," she said and then changed the subject as they 
entered the room. "Now I want you to go ahead and sit over there for 
just a moment while I get the things we'll need."

Shawnee did as she was instructed then watched the other woman when 
she reached into a cabinet and pulled down a small box. Opening it 
she pulled out a small cup and handed it to the girl.

"What do I do?"

"Well you take this cup into the restroom and...."

----------

"I'm sorry Shawnee, but the test came back negative," Clarissa told 
her sometime later. "You're not pregnant."

"You're sure?" Shawnee asked sadly. She hadn't realized until that 
moment how much she had wanted the baby. Not until the words 'not 
pregnant' were spoken. 

Not pregnant. No baby.

Shawnee sat there stunned, pain ripped through her as she listened 
to the healers verdict. No baby. Her hand moved down to cover her 
stomach. Empty. No new life growing inside her.  

"Shawnee...?" from a distance she heard Clarissa calling her name 
and looked up to see the concern in the woman's eyes. "Are you going 
to be all right?"

"I will when the news finally sets in," she answered with a calm she 
was far from feeling, but the other woman wasn't fooled.

"Would you like to talk about it?" she asked kindly. "Or do you want 
me to call Saul?"

Shawnee shook her head, "No," she whispered. "I'll be seeing him in a little
while. I'll tell him then."

"Well then would you like me to walk you home?" The healer was 
starting to get worried with the blondes lack of tears. Knowing how 
badly she had wanted the baby, Clarissa was sure Shawnee would be 
crying by now. But other than looking a little stocked, there were 
no tears. 'She hasn't accepted it yet,' the woman thought. 

"No, there's no reason you should have to disrupted your day," 
Shawnee tried to smile but her heart just wasn't in it. "I'll be 
fine, really I will. I just need a little time to deal with this.

She stood up then and reached for her coat. The healer stood also 
and reached out to touch the girls arm, drawing her attention.

"You're sure you're all right?" concern laced her words.

"I will be," Shawnee said and then turned and left.

(Clarissa)
********

The more she thought about the look on Shawnee's face when she heard 
the verdict about the baby, the more concerned she grew. The girl had wanted
the baby and to be told there wouldn't be one must have hurt 
her. 

Clarissa knew the news hadn't quite hit the girl yet, and she was 
worried what would happen when it did. She would need someone there 
to lean on. No, not just someone....

<<Juniper, would you please ask Fayloth to give his rider a message 
for me...>> ...

(Barry)
******

"Is she here?" Saul asked when he entered the tailor shop and saw 
the older man in the front room.

Barry pointed towards the back of the shop where Shawnee's work room 
had been set up. "What's going on Saul? When she first got here she 
looked white as a ghost, but told me she was fine... I went back to 
check on her a minute ago and now she's crying. What's going on?"

"It'll have to wait till later Barry," the rider told the man, his 
deep blue eyes were focused on the door leading into the back. "I 
need to check on Shawnee now. Make sure she's all right."

"She's hurting bad over something."

Saul nodded his head. "I know, " there was a sadness in his voice 
that the older man didn't miss.

Barry didn't know what was going on, but he could tell the young man
standing before him was hurting just as much. It was there in his 
eyes.

"Go to her, help her if you can."

(Shawnee)
********

She didn't know where she was going when she left the medical hall, 
but her steps led her to the tailor shop so she went on in. She 
barely remembered saying good morning to Barry before making her way 
to the back of the store and her work room.

Like a robot she began taking things down from the shelf and spread 
them out on her work table before taking a seat. With hands that 
weren't quite steady, she reached out to pick up the shirt sitting 
on the top of the pile and pulled it to her. 

As she tried to thread the small eye of needle with the blue thread 
she was needing to mend the tear in the sleeve, she couldn't seem to 
stop shaking long enough to get it through. So finally she set them 
down and her eyes caught sight of the spool of blue thread.

Blue was for boys. Pink was for girls. Her mothers words came to 
mind. She wouldn't be needing either color. There was no baby for 
her to sew for.

No baby...

Pain broke through the numbness that had surrounded her since she 
had first heard the verdict. Tears filled her eyes and slowly fell. 

"Shawnee...? " she heard his voice behind her, and then felt his 
hands on her shoulder turning her around and pulling her into his 
arms. He held her as she cried, his hand gently stroking her hair 
until she finally calmed down. Then he wiped away the last of her 
tears and tilted her head up to meet his eyes.

"You know?" she whispered.

"Yes Shawnee," he said softly, his eyes never leaving hers. 
"I know."

"Oh Saul, I didn't know it was going to hurt this much," she took 
a deep breathe as the shaking began again. "I didn't know how much 
I wanted the baby until Clarissa told me I ... wasn't going to have 
one."

-------------------------------
(nrpg: Poor Shawnee.... :(

Well Kris... What's Saul think ?

*****Submitted by: ******
Barbara (a.k.a.

Shawnee & her Siblings
Whiteriver Warren