-o+<Timeline note: I'm almost positive this is Day One.  Almost :/ >+o-

[Ilara's apartment, very late in evening]

>  Sarilyn looked at her other close friend...and was so touched at the
>understanding.  She leaned her head against Ilara's shoulder, and 
started
>to cry.  "I just need....a friend right now, Ilara....I'm sorry."

        "It's okay," Ilara replied gently, smiling ruefully.  As much as
her body screamed at her to take advantage of the vulnerable, sensuous
woman pressed against her, Ilara knew she wouldn't be able to forgive
herself later.  It was an annoying habit that had been ingrained on her
by Carl's reluctance.  "Sarilyn..."

        She looked her seriously in the eyes, and finished, "I'll always
be your friend.  I know... I know I want, for... welll... us, you know."
She shrugged sadly, and looked down for a moment.  When she looked up
again, Sarilyn could see that she was crying as well.  "See... I-I need
you to be my friend just as b-badly," Ilara sniffled, and pulled Sarilyn
close.  They shared their suffering, as they'd always done... and when
they drew apart, it was at least temporarily banished.  They could
sortof half-smile at each other without feeling guilty about the pain
they should be feeling.

        "Sarilyn, if Billy doesn't take it well, it's not your fault.
You don't have any choice but to tes... testify.  I-I was never sure
'bout anything I did with my life... and I don't want you to go through
that.  It's better to do something than nothing," she said in a throaty
whisper, trying to reassure Sarilyn that she was doing the right thing.

        Sarilyn looked at her, and there was still doubt.  "You think
so?" she asked, her hands tense and restless.

        "Yes."  She thought for a bit and then explained as best she
could, "Whether Billy can live with knowing what you've done, is a test
of his character... not yours."  She tried to rein in her emotions a
little, but she was sparked by her line of thinking.  "If you're w-
worried, it's because you damn well care about him and to what happens
between you!"

        Thw words were double-edged, the way Ilara spoke them.  The air
she left hanging on the end seemed to be one of uncomfortable finality,
as though she didn't want to hear any more, but didn't want to hurt
Sarilyn.  "I'm sorry," she sighed, apologising anyway.  "I'm just..."

        Sarilyn turned Ilara's head back, and inquired, "Just what?
What is it?  Do you want to tell me?"

        Ilara shook her head slowly, her bright green eyes tired and
dulled, and not just from tears.  "I love Carl... I-I love... you,
and... you're both lovely... and I can't... don't know what to do
anymore.  I know that I... w-want this baby, but I want to be with
someone... in case..."  She looked wistfully out the window at the
darkened sky, as if her answer was there.

        She really seemed messed up, even though she hadn't retreated
into her numbness shell like before.  She didn't want to go to sleep
anymore because going back to her home village and re-living its
destruction was unbearable.  She wanted someone to be there, take her
into their arms when she woke in the night, screaming in horror... tell
her everything would be alright.

        "I'm sorry," Ilara sniffled, eyes starting to burn all over
again, "I need more than a friend... as well..."

-o+<nrpg>+o-

Tag Jeanette! :)  Been dying to get this back to you!

Does this seem a little too obvious, or what *grin*?  Well, I've tried
to deal with the main things here - Sarilyn's worry about the trial aand
what it'll do to her-nad-Billy; nightmares, enough said *grin*; Ilara's
feelings for the women she loves.  This was a killer to write *rolls
eyes* if you like the ellipses in Ilara's speech, thank my third cup of
coffee ;)

Anyway, I don't quite know how Ilara's words are going to affect
Sarilyn, so that's something to think about.  The main hook here is how
she deals with the proposition, and whether she wants the same thing
Ilara wants - comfort for the nightmares.  Sarilyn could pretty much say
'no, not on your life' and Ilara would be disappointed but she'd
understand why.  Hell, it'd maybe write better that way *grin*!


Now, if B'Lin got to hear about this... *big evil grin* yeah, he
suspects Ilara, but that's not the same as evidence-in-his-face of
unusual sleeping arrangements on Ilara's part  O :)

Oh, and just as reminder everyone, Meborham is Ilara's home village :)
If anyone's copy of her bio doesn;t reflect that, it isn't up to date...
let me know, and I'll be sure it goes out again *grin*!

I wish I could really appreciate this post, but with my life the way it
is... not a chance :(  I wish things weren't down to the money in my
house not going where it ought to go, but they are, it sucks, and I hope
no-one else has to put up with it ever.  *HUGS* all, and warm thanks.
Would I better off if I didn't have all of you to keep my cheer by
writing posts and sending me mail?  Probably not *grin*.

    Sam M. Edwards  -o+o-  captivanova@geocities.com
    Ilara & Erkvinen       [Xylian Warren DL]
    Genesis Cave <-- http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Station/6307/
    The Planet is dying - better start looking for a new home


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