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I know that they have told you
I can see it in your eyes.
The words that they have spoken
They cannot be disguised
We only have till daylight
Will this morning be our last
The peace that they believe in
It doesn't seem to last
  -- Auglaize River ('Spirit')

===============
Day 11, late afternoon

((from Block and Bounce off the Ground)

Sarilyn did as she was told, and surprised herself by blocking the first
move, to immediately land on the ground with a startled *oof!* as she was
caught by the second.

Arri laughed, and offered a hand up.  "Always watch everything around you.
Moves can come when you don't expect them."

Sari laughed as she nodded.  "So I noticed!  I'll get the hang of this
eventually."

She took the position again, and watched carefully... this time managing to
block twice, before ending up on the ground again, giggling.

"Remind me to wear pillows on my backside next time?  I'm not *that* well
padded back there!"

The practice went on, and Sari found that it helped her to relax, and loosen
up.  She was really enjoying it, and was glad that Arri had decided to be
her Guru.
((end snip))

Arri chuckled at Sarilyn and paused to stretch. "I think that's enough for
one day. And don't worry about the padding. Do this long enough and it
disappears anyway."

Wrapping one arm around the girl's shoulders amiably, she added, "My Guru
used to say that landing on it all the time broke off the padding."

Sarilyn laughed and rubbed her buttocks consolingly. "Sure feels that way to
me."

"Why don't we run over and grab something to eat? You've done a lot of hard
work today," the healer said with a grin. "And I forgot breakfast again."
They shared a giggle at that.

<:You know better than not to eat,:> chided Daetyn gently.

<I also know better than to wander around trying to be helpful to people who
don't want me around too, but it never seems to stop me,> replied the woman
bitterly, <so you just hush.>

<:Sarilyn wants you around,:> Daetyn replied, her mental voice flicked with
rebuke.

Arri scrubbed at her face, resisting the urge to scream at her stubborn
dragon by sheer force of will. <Sarilyn wants a teacher. If not me, then
another.>

"Are you all right, Arri?" Sarilyn had stopped walking and was watching the
healer with concern as she stood raking at her eyes with balled-up fists.
Sarilyn grinned. "You're catching it for not eating first, huh?"

Nodding, the healer cut out at a trot for the dining hall, allowing Sari to
follow or not as she chose. Let her believe what she wanted. The healer was
tired. Of everything.

--==--
Day 11, Dining Hall, early evening, before the party

Sarilyn and Arri sat and finished their dinner in companionable silence.
This suited the healer just fine.

The last weeks had been a whirlwind of running from one task to another only
to be pushed away over and over again. She had no place in this warren,
nobody really seemed to need her for anything. Even after Lakoda had left
the Medical Center, they had insisted they had more than enough hands and
wouldn't put her at risk.

Even her dragon wasn't helping to keep her out of the emotional slump.
Daetyn was just as bored and frustrated with her current role in the Warren
as her rider was.

"May I join you?"

The voice that skittered actoss Arri's brain was one she had half hoped
never to hear again. It grabbed at her throat and closed it tight for a
moment as she tried to decide what to say.

"You can sit wherever you like, T'rend," she said quietly, "provided Sarilyn
does not mind. It's a free world." Arri never looked up or otherwise
acknowledged his presence. Why now? This sort of mind-game was the last
thing in the world she wanted or needed.

<:He still cares about you,:> tried Daetyn gently.

<You're NOT helping,> snapped Arri at her dragon. <He can bloody well lie in
the bed he made now. It's not my issue anymore.>

T'rend looked at Sarilyn, who, not understanding the sudden coldness in
A'Rillia's stance, nodded and indicated the chair across from her to Arri's
right. "Please, T'rend, it's quite all right."

He slid into the chair, watching Arri's hands flex uncontrollably around her
glass and knew perfectly well it was not all right. Very, very far from all
right. He probably shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't seem to stop
himself.

He loved Baeta, but something about Arri still tied him in knots.

"We were worried about you," he began softly, "you could have written or
told someone."

"No," replied Arri, "If I had told anyone where I was going they would have
thrown me in a little room and said no because I'm a Queenrider." She spat
the last word with venom. "And Queenriders can't be allowed to do ANYTHING
on account of their precious damned eggs. Including try to save their
families."

Sarilyn's face registered shock. "But, don't you love Daetyn?"

"I love Daetyn with the last breath in my body," she replied acerbically, "I
hate the Warren attitude towards what Daetyn is and how that limits my life
and my worth. I always have and I always will."

T'rend reached out to place a hand on Arri's shoulder. Cold, unmoving,
marble-like, she suffered his touch with gritted teeth, slamming up guards
as fast as she could against the sudden onslaught of feelings. Damn him. Of
all people didn't he know better? Love, concern, deeply buried lust,
comfort, reassurance - washing over her in confused, hurt waves.

"It would not have been like that," he tried, "Waylene would have arranged
to bring your parents here."

"And they would not have come," replied the healer, choking back tears.
"They hated dragonriders. All dragonriders, me included. They refused to go
to Falagand, right on their doorstep. They were asking me to come home to
watch them die."

T'rend didn't have an answer for that and finally let his hand drop back to
his side.

The three ate in a much less comfortable silence until Arri asked around a
mouthful of steak, "How's Baeta?"

The tome was innocuous enough, so T'rend shrugged. "She's healed well from
the loss of her leg physically, although she'll never recover emotionally I
don't think."

Shrugging, Arri replied, "People seldom do, T'rend. It's a life-altering
injury. It's good she has you to help and support her."

T'rend ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably. "I wanted to talk to you
about that Arri, About us..."

She cut him off ruthlessly, finally lifting her eyes to meet his. "There IS
no us. You made a choice. Circumstances changed at that moment. You can not
play both ends against the middle."

Stunned, Sarilyn's eyes flicked back and forth between T'rend and A'Riliia.
What was going on here? T'rend was seeing Baeta, so why was she so angry at
him?

"But you disappeared, I didn't know..." The worry in T'rend's voice made it
crack slightly. Surely she wasn't still angry at him over that hatching
party two years ago?

"You made the choice long before that, T'rend," interrupted Arri, deathly
quiet. "And we both know it. Do not do this. Go to her and be happy with
her. I will not let you have my heart again only to have it crushed when she
gives you things I did not."

"And more importantly, I will not let you do the same to her," the healer
concluded, looking back down at the table and her cold dinner. Suddenly she
wasn't in the least hungry anymore.

<:But you still like him,:> asked Daetyn, <:Why are you doing this to
yourself?:>

<I like him. Not enough to destroy her. And he doesn't want me enough to
leave her. He can't have it both ways, everyone will be hurt,> explained
Arri to her dragon. <The emotional factor is far more complicated in humans,
love.>

Stunned, T'rend stared at her. What kind of monster did she think he was? He
didn't mean it that way at all.

"Arri, please, I didn't ... it came out wrong..." he began.

"There is no right way, T'rend. You want to be in love with her and be
intimate with her but be in lust with me," she explained. "She needs you.
She loves you. You have made a committment to her and I will not allow you
to break it. I like you, but not enough to destroy her."

Sarilyn's mouth fell open and she stared at Arri.

"What happened between us was two years ago, T'rend. As much as I miss it,
to do anything about it now, when Baeta hangs in the balance, is /wrong/.
And so I will not," she explained patiently, "get involved in something that
will leave someone else in so much pain. I have too much of my own healing
to do to be responsible for that."

<:But why can't you share him?:> asked Daetyn.

<Do you share the one who is strong enough to catch you, Dae?>

<:NO...:> exploded the dragon aqngrily, <:for only he is worthy of me and no
other will have... oh, I see.:>

<Exactly,> explained Arri wearily. <T'rend 'won' Baeta. Even if I wanted to
share, which i don't, she will not do so. One of us will be destroyed in the
fight.>

Standing up and pushing her chair back, Arri picked up her plate with one
hand. The other she rested in a fleeting touch on T'rend's hair, only
trusting that second of contact.

"I'm sorry, T'rend, but this is the way it has to be. For everyone's sakes."
she explained quietly. To Sarilyn, she added, "I'm not feeling well. Keep
practising the forms and i will meet you next week."

Nodding sligtly, Sarilyn replied in a tiny squeak, "Yes, Guru."

Arri took her plate to the dish rack, walking from the table where T'rend
sat slumprd over his breakfast and Sarilyn stared after her, confused,
without looking back. Hard, perhaps, but necessary. Absolutely necessary.

The tears started as she exited the Dining Hall. Why was everything she did
'for her own good' so hard? Walking through a water-streaked vision of grass
and softly fluffy clouds, she ambled across the green towards Daetyn and the
empty Hatching Grounds, crying for what couldn't be and wishing she could
hide from her own mind.

---------
NRPG: SCD. :) I just wanted to get SOMETHING out. :) (I borrowed T'rend,
since nobody seems to be playing him and i think he's supposed to be in the
Xylian grounds by now.)

Bets
(A'Rillia and Daetyn)
shadowsinger[at]bigfoot[dot]com